If you feel something for the man your’re interested in, it’s completely normal to be jittery about the whole deal. For example, one of my clients, a woman in her 40s that dated intensively for the last 10 years of her life told me that sometimes she still feels like a teenage girl when she prepares for her first date. Of course, this is very good – being excited is the key part of our sexuality and should always be treasured.
But, at the same time, being too excited and nervous may impair your judgment and make you act in a manner that can throw men off. Some of the mistakes women make on their fist dates are unconscious; others are just wrong perceptions.
Usually, women learn about those misperceptions, and I bet you can name a few of those on your own – I would love to hear them. Share your experience with the rest of us, and read on about 5 mistakes women make on a first date that make men run away.
1. The Basis Courtesy
One UK survey showed that 40% singles admitted they turned up late for a first date or didn’t show up at all. This is childish and disrespectful – remember that you’re dealing with grown men with developed personalities. This and other ‘’teasing games’’ (not answering the phone, giving unclear replies in text messages) maybe had some appeal to men when they were teenagers, but now, they don’t want the hassle that come with an immature woman.
Also, a healthy dose of reality will help too, so read about the Top 9 Myths about Dating.
2. Trying to Look Uninterested
This is what we may call a ‘’preschool courtship technique.” You can see it in every school yard in the world – boys and girls are often picking on each other and expressing their interest in every possible way except showing affection. In their age groups, this isn’t allowed by the atmosphere that is still divided on the basis of sex – boys are seen as one group, girls are a another. Some women, even after they grow up, believe it’s not helpful to seem interested in a man early on, because it’s not ‘’ladylike.”
Ignore these cultural behavioral patterns, because nowadays, other women don’t have any problems showing a man they are interested in exploring a sexual relationship. This doesn’t mean you have to present yourself as ‘’easy,’’ but have in mind that dating has one short term purpose – having sex and then, maybe, finding out is there a possibility for love and other things.
3. Be the Father of My Children
Kids are one of the topics men prefer to avoid not only on first dates, but you shouldn’t, if you’re interested in having some of your own. But don’t make it seem like you’re on a hunt for a sperm donor. Men also want children in general, but most of them don’t go on first dates wanting to make a woman pregnant (in fact, most men fear that this will happen).
One woman I have spoken to always stated on first dates that her biggest hope for the future is to become a mother as soon as possible, so she could have a big family. You can imagine what most of the men she dated thought about that, and it’s not hard to understand why she didn’t get to many second dates.
4. Be Spontaneous, not Rude
Some women (and men) decide to deal with anxiety that arises on first dates by verbal aggression or similar obnoxious behaviors. You probably experienced a date where the man was rude to the bartenders, waiters and other people who served you. Any passive-aggressive action, like being late or vulgar will definitely raise unwanted questions in your date’s mind. If a man gets the impression you are like that all of the time, he will surely run away.
If you feel nervous, make a joke out of it. Don’t make fun of the waiter or mock him so you can feel better.
5. Lying to Improve Yourself
Don’t lie. This is a simple rule, but a hard one to follow. Try your best to present yourself in the most honest way on first dates. As a species, we are great at recognizing lies and phoniness in every aspect of our lives. If you’re nervous and because of that try to deceive the man you’re dating, he will most probably notice it, whether by the content of your words or by your mimic and gestures. It’s hard to lie and get away with it, and dating is no exception.
Be truthful. Some men won’t like what they hear, but all must and will respect your honesty.
Like the old saying goes, you don’t have to tell everything you think, but believe everything you say.