1. The Hot Mess
Everything about this girl is fake, and after a night of dancing and drinking the artificiality is really starting to show. The hair extensions are showing, her fake eyelashes have now moved to the outside perimeters of her eyes and as tight as that band-aid dress was when she walked in, it’s now falling half way off.
She gave up the ritual “pulling down the bottom of the dress every 30 seconds” after the third tequila shot and now everyone is getting a show. The fact that the last thing she consumed came in the form of a powder make’s men want to buy her a Big Mac not take her home. The worst part is? She still thinks she looks like Gisele right now. Here come the lap dances…
2. The Man Basher
When she was in college she fell for that liberal arts major, the one with the piercing and the acoustic Dave Mathews cover band? She was in blissful la-la land until she found him “crashing into” her roommate, in their bed. Ouch, nothing worse than a lover scorned. Fast forward 5 years later and this girl still hates men. Not men, males. The entire males species officially sucks thanks to this one prick with a guitar pick.
This is the same girl you don’t want to talk to about any issues you have with your boyfriend because her advice will always be to dump him. No matter what you tell her, there’s no changing her mind. All men are dogs and she’ll take every opportunity to tell you about it. She’s not a feminist, and she’s not a lesbian, and chances are, she misses getting laid.
However there aren’t that many positions that can go down on top of a soap box. Even the greatest of guys stay away from this girl because they already know that no matter what they do, this girl has made up her mind. Even if she decides to take the plunge and go into a relationship with a man, any problem that occurs in the relationship will automatically be on his fault. After all, he is a man.
3. Mrs. Pitt
Somewhere down the line, a lot of people told her she was pretty. This may be entirely true, she may be drop dead gorgeous, however her awareness of it has left her with an upturned nose. Unless you are the real world embodiment of a Grey’s Anatomy character you have no chance. Unless you have Gerard Butler’s body, Brad Pitt’s face, and Bill Gate’s bank account, don’t even bother looking in her direction.
She avoids eye contacts from all “commoners” and will only crack a smile for the men that can offer her something in return. It doesn’t matter that she still lives at home with her parents and works at i-hop, she deserves absolutely everything on sky high check list of standards. The sad part is, deep down she might even be a really cool person to hang out with, but unless you were built by the Greek Gods you won’t get a chance to find out.
4. Ms. Independant
Not to be confused with the Man Basher, Ms.Independant is in a league of her own. She took Women’s Studies in college and has been climbing the laddtter of success ever since. There’s no glass ceiling when it comes to this one. She owns her own property and pays her own bills. While guys love an independent woman, this type of independent woman refuses to hand over the reins.
She doesn’t just want to pay for her half of the bill, she wants to pay for his half as well. Instead of finding a new place together and splitting the bills, she insists he moves into her place. She won’t let her boyfriend forget, even for a second, that she’s the primary bread winner because really… that’s all she’s got going for her. Men will stay away from this girl due to the frightening images of walking her Maltese and carrying her purse, which is coincidentally where she keeps his balls.
5. The Clinger
Oh yes, we all know this one. Just looking at her will result in a guy seeing 23 calls magically appearing on his phone. The Clinger, who seems like a pretty cool girl initially will quickly start giving off stage 5 alarms. When the first date conversation slides into wedding planning, men know it’s time to bolt.
Men will avoid getting close to this girl to begin with because she’s like poison ivy, brief contact equals dealing with pain for quite some time. If she can’t reach him on his phone (because, umm, he’s busy?) not to worry. She’ll go on to call him on his skype, message him on Facebook, call his friends, call his boss, call his mother. Something. Until she finally reaches him.
What a lot of guys don’t grasp about the clinger is that she doesn’t really want to be with him that badly. The fact that she’s clingy generally means her ego simply cant handle rejection or the idea that a guy doesn’t want to be with her. Unless a guy is a manipulator, or finds filing restraining orders sexy, odds are he’s going to stay as far as possible from this girl.