Just to be clear, here, bad sex means that you have sex with your partner but you are just not really enjoying it. This is about bad sex, why you are to blame for the situation and how you can fix it.
Whose Body is It?
You can masturbate, right? Well, most women can. If you do not masturbate and you are complaining about bad sex, then, learning how to pleasure yourself is a good place to start for you.
This is not to suggest that pleasuring yourself should replace sex with your partner. But being able to pleasure yourself will help you figure out what rings your bell. In the same way, if you have experienced sexual satisfaction with someone before, then you know what works for you.
So, if you know what works for you, whether through masturbation or through previous sexual encounters, whose fault is it that you are not getting what you want? It is your fault.
Now, you probably have an idea as to how you want to be touched and to be done (oops) but that does not mean you should jump straight into bed and start barking instructions at your man as to where and how he should touch you. That will not get you an orgasm and you will be lucky if he does not toss you out of the bedroom window.
You see, men like being in control. Men want to feel that they know what they are doing, even when they don’t, even more so when it comes to the bedroom. So unless you are in a relationship where you are the one who initiates sex and takes charge of the proceedings, telling your man what to do and how to do things in bed might be met with resistance.
Work Your Man
Remember how you sometimes make your man do things you want him to do by making him feel it was really his idea and you give him all the credit? Yeah, just do that. Let him get the credit. And you get your orgasm.
How you go about doing it is really up to you. But remember to approach your man with caution because sex is a touchy issue. One of the best ways to avoid confrontation is the small talk approach. The idea is to get a conversation going where you create an opportunity to suggest how you like your sex and still make him feel that it is his idea.
If you are the type that is not comfortable talking sexy with your husband, send the usual text messages but throw in a touch of sex. Tell him, for example, how great he was last night. Wait for a response.
If he engages and responds in kind by referring to the sex elements in your text, go on and push a little further by mentioning how great it was when he did the key thing you would like him to do. It could be touching you at a certain place in a certain way or kissing your in certain places in a certain way – your breasts, your clitoris, caressing you G spot, whatever excites.
If he stays engaged, mention how close last night or last time’s experience was to matching the sexual blast you had with him in your very early days even. Chances are that he will boast that he will be glad to give it you anytime, or that he is actually leaving work to come and do it right away!
Whatever the case, make sure that by end of your small talk or text chat, you inform him of the key factor that excites you the most. You want to plant that in his mind and make sure it stays in his mind as the key to your sexual ecstasy.
The tendency with men is to dive straight into what we believe works. So if you mention that you love it when he touches you in a certain way, chances are that he will rush in, tear your clothes off and go straight for the main event.
So be ready to rein in his animal instinct by bringing his moves under your control throughout the process. You will have to work hard without frustrating him because the nature of man’s sexuality is penetration, thrust, ejaculate and goodbye. You want him to stay away from that for as long as possible in order to give you time to get sufficiently aroused. You want to have sufficient momentum to take you to orgasm before he is done.
In this regard, you will need to control the stages. Kissing on the lips and caressing as an initial stage should be as long as you want it to be before you let him move to kissing your breasts and your body, before he moves down there, before he enters you. At each stage you will likely have to hold him back whenever he attempts to move to the next stage.
Finally, when he gets down there, use your hand to direct him to your key. If it is clitoris rubbing you want remember to direct his finger to it. Show him how you want to be caressed – circular, vertical, horizontal – whatever works for you. Also show him how soft or hard you want the rubbing to be done. Alternatively, you can whisper this in his ear just to add to that sensual experience for both of you.
If you are able to experience orgasm with clitoral stimulation, then you can let him continue until you orgasm and let him enter you after you have climax. Most women would prefer to let their man enter just before they orgasm so they can climax together but at times, letting go of clitoral stimulation may disturb the rhythm and you may end up losing the momentum and orgasm, leading to further frustrations.
Once you have got used to what leads you to orgasm, you can start let your man enter you just prior to your orgasm and start experimenting with reaching sexual climax together.
A Million Ways to Skin a Cat
Though many women need some contact with the clitoris in order to achieve orgasm, not every woman can reach clitoral orgasm. Some women may have problems with this, preferring instead vaginal orgasm. For the most part, such women will orgasm following proper stimulation of the G-Spot that is located on the upper wall, two inches or so inside the vagina. But showing your man how to stimulate your G-Spot is not as easy as showing him how to stimulate your clitoris. You can direct his fingers inside of you but how do you use your hand to show him how to find and rub the G-Spot inside you?
One way of getting around this problem is by introducing the issue when you are having that small talk with him. Specifically, mention how good it feels when he rubs your mound on the upper side of your vagina. If he has never used his fingers to do this, tell him how nice it feels when his penis rubs you there. Go on to mention that if his penis can do such a good job you can only imagine what would happen if he used his fingers that can turn and twist.
Having done this, when you direct his fingers towards your vagina he will know what is expected of him. You may still need to direct him how to find the G-Spot. You can also demonstrate how you want your G-Spot to be rubbed by rubbing your finger on his body. Like with clitoral caressing, you can also demonstrate the intensity or speed of how you want to be stimulated. Or else, use action words like harder or softer, slow or faster.
Knowing when to let your man switch from fingers to penis penetration can be very tricky. With vaginal stimulation, orgasm takes quite a while to come. For the most part what you will get is continuous, high intensity sexual pleasure but not necessarily an orgasm. But your partner may misread your expressions of ecstasy as an indication that you are about to orgasm and he may then ride home and ejaculate, leaving you hanging, one more time.
Rome Was Not Built in a Day
It is natural to expect good results with your first attempt at fixing this problem. But the truth is that you may not get your orgasm at your first attempt. What is certain, though, is that, no matter how long it takes for you to get sexual satisfaction, your sex life will be getting better every time you make love.
The key to attaining your sexual satisfaction will depend on how good you are at learning from your encounters and how you adjust. Remember to praise your man, especially during and after making love. That will encourage him to continue doing what you say makes you feel good. It will make him feel great and he will always remember to include those things in his act.
If bad sex has been bothering you, then these suggesting should go a long way in bringing you to the summit of your sexual pleasure. For some it will be an easy fix while for others it will take a little bit longer.
But as long as there is progress being made with every sexual encounter, the only way you will end up is on your back, panting and drenched in your own sweat – the effects of a mind-blowing orgasm!
And you would love that, wouldn’t you?