Make Love Not War: Stop Fighting and Start Communicating

However, the problem arises when fights become too frequent and too intense. Learning how to fight fair, or not fight at all, will not only make you lead a more peaceful life, but it will also help you avoid frustration that can lead to unnecessary breakups.

If you care about your relationship, follow the suggestions listed below and learn how to stop fighting with your boyfriend and how to stop destroying what you have built together.

What’s the Real Reason Behind Your Arguments?

Intense and frequent fights usually have a more serious and deeper root cause, which many couples tend to ignore.

Trying to figure out the true cause of your conflicts is the first step to stop fighting with your boyfriend. You must give yourself time to understand what is going on between the two of you and what is really causing so many trivial, as well as severe conflicts. Is it you? Is it him? Identify the problem and talk respectfully and peacefully to your partner about it. This is a good way to avoid fights and save your relationship.

Forgiveness is the Final Form of Love

Says Reinhold Niebuhr, American theologian.

Whether your man is wrong or right, learn to forgive him from time to time. This will prevent more serious conflicts and give you time to reflect upon the problem.

But also learn to say “I am sorry.” These magic words can sometimes save a relationship. Forget about your pride and ego, for they are often two of the major reasons why couples fight.

Forgiving and saying “I am sorry” will bring you and your partner closer together and give you the possibility to try talking without arguing.

Don’t Add Fuel to the Fire

If you are in a really bad mood and feeling out of sorts, you will easily lose temper. You will stick to useless arguments, lose control and become defensive and irrationally emotional. So, tell your partner in advance that this is not the right moment for arguing. Step back, go to the other room, or if necessary, go out.

Small Minds Argue Over Small Things

When you realize that you are arguing about whose turn it is to throw away the trash bag, end the discussion immediately. Pick up the trash bag, go out and throw it away. Arguing over a small thing will cause a more serious conflict in less than a minute.

If Speaking is Silver, then Listening is Gold

That’s a Turkish proverb for you. Don’t just think of what to say next and how to defend your point of view. This usually ends up with thoughtless words and unwanted reactions. Instead of talking at each other, show him that you are listening to what he has to say. Then speak, but state your point of view calmly and peacefully. This will help you create a dialog instead of a fight.

You Can’t Control Others if You Can’t Control Yourself

When the discussion gets too animated and the arguments become too heated, step out of the room and take a break. Explain that you need to calm down and that you will be back in a few minutes or more. Go to the bathroom or to another room and try to relax a little. Don’t let your anger control you.

Breathe deeply and try to clear your mind. Focus on finding peaceful and reasonable words. Once you’ve calmed down, it is less likely that you will start fighting again. This is another way to start establishing a healthy communication with your partner.

Controlling yourself involves also being aware of the moment when your arguing becomes senseless and irritating and offensive. That is the moment when you have take control of your mood, emotions and reactions. Being able to continue the discussion more peacefully, respectfully and maturely, is a good step to stop fighting and start communicating.

Winner Doesn’t Always Take All

Fights usually end up defending your ego and trying to have the last word in an argument. This is a never-ending story. Stop focusing on who is winning the battle. It’s irrelevant and it only keeps you far away from the root cause of your conflict. Nothing will be solved in this way.

You must rise above your urge to always be right and to always get the last word in every argument. Learn to compromise. Agree that you will always end up your discussion with a solution that will at least partially satisfy both of you. A relationship is not based on who is winning, but on creating healthy and respectful communication.

Is Fighting Worth it?

If you really love your boyfriend and if you wish to stop arguing with him, you should always remember why.

If you don’t put an end to your fights, your relationship will suffer and you might end breaking up and losing each other. Is fighting worth it? Is living a life without your boyfriend that you love so much what you really want? Always keep this in mind while arguing. To stop fighting, you must realize what you are risking if you continue doing it.

What do you fight with your boyfriend, and why?