Moving on from Difficult Times and Coming Back Stronger
Even the most positive people we know have bad days, or bad weeks, or bad months even. Events happen in our life which can cause us emotional pain, and at other times the choices we make can be difficult and challenging and we may be overcome by apathy, sadness or depression.
The good times and the bad times are all part of the ebb and flow of life, they come and they go. Despite this; sometimes it can be very difficult to move on from painful events that happened in the past. In some instances we can find ourselves stuck in a pattern of negative thought, and everything we think about in some way, leads us back into the heart of the original event.
We keep on scratching that itch; we can’t move on.
It could be that we have broken up with a partner, and we keep on replaying the movie in our head of things that were said in the heat of the moment. Whatever the situation is, one thing is for sure, if we continue to obsess about it, we are in danger of letting it cloud other areas of our life, and so the negativity and pain will continue to permeate.
What we focus on persists.
Once we allow our thoughts to be dominated by negative back chatter, it can be very difficult to get out of the downward spiral such thinking creates. Sometimes, to get ourselves through difficult times, we need to seek outside help from friends or professionals. This is okay and perfectly natural; after all, to reach out is human. Asking for help when you recognise you need it is strength; not a weakness.
We need to recognise that pain is not necessarily a negative emotion; it is what we do with the pain that counts, we also need to realise that the pain will not go away unless we allow it to.
But first we have to stop digging about in the past for our future.
Many of us are aware that changing our thoughts and perspective on things can change our lives, but sometimes it is easy to forget just how powerful this act can be.
For example, have you ever been having a humdrum day, when all of a sudden you get a call or message from someone you love, or some fabulous news, and bang, straight away you have a big smile on your face?
Your heart becomes alive and nothing can stop you from having a good day, no matter what, all because you feel that this amazing person in your life or good news has cheered you up.
In actual fact it was you that cheered yourself up, by refocusing your mind on the positive and letting these good thoughts steer you through the day.
The same thing happens when someone puts a downer on your day, perhaps by an inconsiderate act or comment, and you find yourself stewing on it for the whole day.
Is that person controlling your thoughts for the day?
No; you are.
But changing our thoughts is only part of the process, in order to move on we also need to let go and accept what is. We need to stop clinging on to the very thing that causes us pain.
Letting something go does not mean you are giving someone permission to treat you badly, or pretending an unpleasant event did not happen, it means you are clearing the space and giving yourself permission to love yourself and move forward.
So, when we are dealing with difficult times it is important that we do our best to accept what is, feel the emotion, and then when we are ready, take a deep breath and let it go.
How many times have you looked back at your life and thought, wow if that had not have happened, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to do this, or so and so would not have walked into my life? This is the wheel of life at work, forever filling voids, opening and closing doors, continually changing like the seasons.
When in doubt, try to remember the following:
You are not your wounds. You are not the people who criticise you. You are not the flat tyre first thing in the morning or the bad relationship. You are unique and beautiful, accept that.
You cannot change the way people feel about you, only they can do that, and you cannot change the past.
But you can change the way you feel about yourself and your situation.
Life is unrepeatable. Each moment, each second of your life, you can never have back. You can look at this from a place of fear or from a place of love. The place of fear will have you feeling anxious that life is passing you by, that you are a failure, that you haven’t done all the things you wanted to do, it can make you feel bitter, sad, and resentful. Or you can come from the place of love, and cherish every moment you have, every wonderful thing you experience and the magic of your life and those who are a part of it.
When you are coming from a place of love and compassion instead of fear, even the most difficult things we have to do in life become meaningful and flow with ‘right energy’.
Even saying goodbye.
If you feel you cannot move on from something that happened in the past, then now is the time to stop feeding your negative thoughts and giving yourself a hard time; instead start loving yourself and start living again. And remember that no matter what happens, you will be back, stronger and more loving than before.
Know that, because it’s true.
All the tears and all the joy. It’s all about you baby. Now isn’t that a wonderful thing.