Rules for Airplane Sex

Even if the toilet in an airplane is not exactly the most convenient place to have sex, if you can’t control yourself, you must pay attention to a few little rules.

For those who have a plane task on their “Places I have to have sex before I die” list and want to join the Mile High Club, here are the seven simple rules that you should most definitely follow:

1. Pick the Rear Seats When Buying the Ticket

When you are buying airline tickets, request a rear seat. It will be less obvious when you get up and go to the toilet. If you really want to fool the present passengers, do not even sit next to each other so that when you both get up it looks less suspicious.

2. Make a Plan

You should make a plan – at least make a discrete sign that it’s time to go. Maybe a cough, or a text message, if by any chance, you have signal on your cell phones. And, we repeat, make it as discrete as possible.

3. Good Timing is Important

It would be best to have sex in an airplane during a late night flight, when most passengers are asleep, and aren’t waiting in line for the toilet. One thing is for sure – toilets will be cleaner. If you do not fly at night, do it while the staff serves drinks or food.

4. Do not Go to the Toilet Together and Leave Separate

And, if they catch you, tell the staff that one of you got plane-sick, and that the other one is there to help. Look very, very preoccupied. What are they going to do, kick you out of the airplane?

5. Do It Standing up

Toilets are not clean, and it is best to do it while standing up, so your head is looking at the door, and put your hands on the door for balance. In this way, no private parts will be touching the floor.

6. Be Quick

You have less than 15 minutes. Anything over 15 minutes will be very suspicious, and you will be totally busted. Before getting on the plane, practice quickies so you both can reach a climax in such a short time.

Oh, that’s hard, right? Kidding. Really, mind the clock, in this case – time is of the essence. Make it fast, and be aware that no matter how bad it gets, you are already in the sky, so it can’t be that bad anyway.

7. Outfits

Try wearing clothes that leave “easy access” to your intimate areas. Think dresses and skirts. Forget skinny jeans, and don’t, in any case, wear an overall. Anything easily unzipped or unbuttoned is a good choice. Oh, and do a bit of dirty talk. In such a short term, talking might be the most effective way to climax.

Please sit down, and fasten your seatbelts. Joking – have a great experience that will be your favorite holiday memory. Welcome to the mile high club! (