Signs He Needs to Go.The basis of all these problems is that YOU don’t love yourself enough, and you don’t appreciate your worth and because of this you allow someone to treat you with less respect than you deserve.
While the road to self-love can be a long learning experience, and may take years even to achieve, the first step is freeing yourself from toxic relationships. Here are some signs that your man needs to pack his bags, so you can get on with appreciating yourself.
1. He Knows Nothing About You, or What You’re Doing with Your Life
How can this be? You’ve been together for years and he still doesn’t seem to know anything about you personally. Not your favorite color, not what movie you’re dying to see, or even what charity you volunteer for. If you’ve been with this guy for some time now and he still doesn’t know any of the real details that make you unique, he’s not listening or paying attention to anything you have to say honey. Pay close attention to the next time you sit down for a conversation. Is it all shallow, meaningless chit-chat? Do you rarely discuss your hopes, wants and dreams? When you do talk of these things, is he preoccupied with his phone or zoning out? It’s because he has no interest in what you have to say. He may say he loves you but it’s the idea of you he loves, not really you. In order to really love you, that would mean really knowing you, something he may have no interest in doing. Maybe he’s only interested in sex.
2. He Talks Horribly To or About His Mother
In some circumstances a man had a really bad childhood with a mother who genuinely wasn’t a good parent. However, if this woman took the time and effort to raise him and provide for him and he still talks about her like she’s nothing, it’s time for him to go. This is the woman that carried him and gave birth to him and cared for him, the woman that nursed him when he was sick and cared for every cut and bruise. If he doesn’t appreciate that, it means he believes he was entitled to all of that. Which means he feels entitled to any kindness or special thing you’ll do for him. Don’t expect any of it to be appreciated; you still may be on his list of complaints at the end of the day. If you don’t want to be treated like his mother then it’s time for you to get out. Now.
3. He’ll Spend a Ton of Money On Himself, but Not A Penny On You
If he spent $500 dollars on some new toy for himself and you find yourself splitting the cost of your birthday dinner, this guy is trash. It’s not that you can’t provide for yourself, or that a man should pay for everything for you. In fact over the course of a relationship it’s refreshing and modern to view each other as equals. However if he has no problem spending money on himself and thinks twice… maybe even three times before spending half as much on you, it means he values himself much more than you. He has every right to spoil himself from time to time, but if spoiling himself comes way before spoiling you, you’re simply not a priority in his life. Get used to his happiness coming before yours.
4. You Can’t Even Joke About A Future with Him
Some men are slow when it comes to commitment, but if this guy gets upset with you so much as JOKING about a future with him it’s because he sees no future with you. You are simply a fun distraction, a way to pass the time. This guy’s commitment issues are rooted so deeply that he’s borderline allergic. If you’re not looking for a committed relationship with someone either, then great. More power to you. There are lots of people who enjoy the fun and ease of commitment free dating. However, if this is someone you can actually see a future with and you’re holding your breath until he’s ready to settle down, darling you’re going to suffocate.
5. He Won’t Take Care of You When You’re Sick
If he gives you a line like “I just want you to get your rest” or “I’m just not good with sick people,” let that be the last call you ever make to him. This dude is not pausing or slowing down his life for anything, not even a sick girlfriend. If you’ve been dating for a brief amount of time (2-3 weeks) maybe let this one slide, but if you’ve been together for a while, what is this man thinking? If your man isn’t willing to stand by you when you’re not feeling your best, he can go to hell. As Marilyn Monroe said “If you don’t want me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”
6. He Drinks Too Much or Does Drugs
This one may not seem like the biggest deal at the moment, especially if your man is a “functioning addict.” However if he insists on stopping throughout the day for a drink, or maybe has an occasional relationship with drugs, do not be fooled. His problem will most likely only get worse, and it will affect your life. Addiction in a partner can lead to infidelity, debt, physical and mental abuse and more.
Every woman has the side that wants to believe in the good, the side that believes that you can fix him, that underneath it all he’s a good guy and if he kicks the habit, some other woman is going to get your good guy. There is that possibility, and really there’s nothing wrong when it comes to wanting to stand by your man through a tough time. Keep in mind; if he doesn’t believe he has a problem and has no desire to seek any kind of professional help, you cannot change him. Change can really only happen from the person themselves and if there’s no desire for that to begin with, you’re wasting your time.
7. He Asks You To Change Your Personality
If your boyfriend claims that you embarrass him when you act a certain way in public, or suggests that you change an aspect of your personality, or frequently requests that you start to dress in a different manner… dump him. Darling, you are perfect exactly the way you are. He knew what he was getting the second he walked into the relationship, and trying to change you is simply not going to fly.
You don’t deserve this guy, you deserve much better. There is a man out there who absolutely adores the way you dress, that you do the robot at parties, or that you forget the punch line to jokes. There is someone who is looking for a girl who’s exactly like you. The more you waste your time with this idiot, the longer it will take for Mr. Right. Remember Bridget Jones Diary? He’ll like you… just the way you are.
8. You Have Been Permanently Deemed the Drama Queen
This seems to be the national anthem of a-hole boyfriends everywhere. The second you start to bring up something in the relationship that bothers you, even if it’s in a polite or kind manner, you become “The Drama Queen.”
Apparently you’re not allowed to have any negative thoughts or feelings towards the relationship. There are some instances where a girl can get overly dramatic, but if you’re communicating in a clear and adult manner, you’re not attacking or accusing, then that’s not you. So when he starts to label your simple requests as “nagging” or your expressing that you’re hurt as “being a drama queen,” know this guy is messing with your head. He knows what to say to control your behavior. In a healthy relationship, both parties should feel free to express whatever they need to express, and if he’s making you guilty for that then kick him to the curb.
9. He’s in Massive Debt
Not talking about the average debt that comes with life, things like college, medical bills, maybe he even helped to take on some his family debt. But debt that comes from excessive spending on frivolous things with money he knows he doesn’t have. This guy is all about the show. He needs the material things to make himself look good, even if he didn’t earn it.
That’s a serious sign of insecurity, that he only feels like he can measure up if he has shiny things and he will put himself in debt to get it. This also exhibits the signs of someone who needs instant gratification, despite the consequences. Combine the two and you have the prime characteristics’ of a cheater. Save yourself the heartache and the blow to your credit score and get out while you can.
10. Your Friends Can’t Stand Him
Not just one or two who can’t stand him but all of them; all of them hate your boyfriend. When you question them on their opinion either they’re overly verbal about how wrong this guy is for you or they give you the old “If you’re happy I’m happy.”
They aren’t happy. No friend is happy seeing their close friend with someone who treats them wrong. These are the individuals who know you best. While they might not always know what’s exactly right for you, they will always know what’s wrong for you. Cut them a break and save them from ever having to hear his name again (because you talk about him a lot) and just get rid of him girl.