And you get a million questions in your head: are you too young to do it? Are you too old to still be a virgin? Will it hurt? Who should be your partner? Will he tell everybody? Can you stay pregnant? Should you be in a long term relationship? If so, for how long?
We are not going to give you the mumbo jumbo answers that you read in teen magazines. This is the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I’ve also asked a few of my friends to tell their stories.
Am I too Young?
The average girl from the USA loses her virginity at the age of 17.3. In the UK, they do it somewhere round the age of 16, while most Germans wait until they are 18. That is the statistics.
Still, you shouldn’t be ruled by majority. You should be ruled by your own feelings, urges an “the magic moment.” By “magic moment” we don’t mean candle light at the Ritz hotel. We mean “the sparkle between two young people in love.”
For example, I have very liberal views on sex but I think your first time really should be something you smile about. Never mind your age. You are old enough for sex when you fill out four conditions:
1. When you are physically ready – that means you got your period.
2. When it just naturally happens – not because somebody is forcing you, or because of peer pressure. Not out of curiosity. It should happen naturally.
3. When you are mature enough to think about birth control.
4. When there is something by your side that feels the same way.
Will It Hurt?
Probably – it will. But the pain is mostly exaggerated in stories you hear. There are two reasons sex hurts the first time. The unavoidable one: your hymen breaks when your partner reaches penetration. It is a membrane that partially covers the external part of your vagina. It looks a bit like very thin skin. The pain of losing is like waxing – it hurts, but it lasts for just a few seconds. Also it is possible that you don’t have one. You can lose it by doing gymnastics, riding a bicycle or maybe you never had it.
The second reason is that your vagina isn’t moist enough, due to nervousness or short forplay. You can avoid that by playing with your partner for a while before the real thing. Also, you can use a lubricant. The lubricant will make the pain – well, non-existing.
Who Should Be Your Partner?
No, not the sexy jock that took every girl’s cherry. No, not your boyfriend that says he’s going to break up with you if you don’t do it. It should be a boy that genuinely cares about you and you feel the same way.
There is no mathematical solution for the longevity of your relationship that says whether it’s time. “Honey we’ve spent 3 months, a week and three days together, it’s time.” No. It’s time when it happens.
Before actually doing it, you should masturbate. That way you will explore your body and know what feels right and what doesn’t. The sex will probably be less painful.
Will He Tell Everyone?
He probably will share it with a few friends, yes. But so will you. If he loves and respects you, he will keep it in a circle of few close friends.
Use a condom. You’ve heard all this but we have to repeat. You can stay pregnant even the first time. A condom will protect you from STD’s and pregnancy. You can also use birth control pills that your gynecologist can prescribe you. If your condom breaks, you can use a day after pill, available at pharmacies.
Experiences of My Friends
Selena was 14. I remember she wouldn’t tell anyone for two years. She was in a relationship with her boyfriend for ages (our boyfriends were also good friends), since they were 13. She told us she did it on vacation, when he jumped into her room through the window while her mom was at lunch. She says it didn’t hurt much, and that it lasted for about 3 minutes.
Alex was 15. She did it with a scumbag that left her a very short while after that. She became a bit on the promiscuous side since.
My sister was 20 when she did it with a guy she met on a summer vacation. They didn’t stay together because he lives in Sweden. She says it didn’t hurt at all. They still talk, and from what we hear, he’s writing a book about that summer.
Alice (she didn’t want us to use her real name) was 18 and very drunk. She still regrets it. Says it hurt.
We hoped we helped. Still the decision is yours to make. The best way to lose your virginity is your way.