Unfortunately, the providers of sex, unlike the providers of milk, are a package deal. Many women are often only willing to give sex in exchange for a loving relationship – love, romance and commitment. And with that, the stage is set for the battle of the sexes that has been raging since time began.
For the men, winning is all about trying to get sex for free. For women, winning is about being successful in using the attraction of sex to get the man to commit to a long-term relationship. Sometimes the man will walk away when he sees no chances of getting any sex. And if he gets some before committing, he may see very little reason for staying. This, obviously, poses a serious problem for women, especially those in search of a partner to settle down with.
So how can a woman make a man like her to the extent of committing to a long-term relationship? Understanding how men think and what they want in relationships is the the best way a woman can succeed in getting a man to commit.
The Law of Attraction
To get a man you, first, have to attract him. Just like bees are attracted to flowers, beauty is what attracts men to women. Of course, the perception of beauty differs from individual to individual, depending on culture and upbringing. But every woman is beautiful in the eyes of some man. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.
Because men’s attention is triggered by the sight of beauty, it is important for a woman to look her best at all times, especially if she is looking for a mate. While the media has managed to redefine beauty in a certain way, every woman must have confidence in herself and understand that she is beautiful in her own, special way. Forget what the magazines want you to look like.
The truth is that there is a man somewhere whose definition of beauty fits your looks. To alter your looks to fit some magazine’s definition of beauty is to hide yourself from your intended target audience and, instead, present yourself to the wrong audience. By trying to look like someone else you are not being yourself. In fact you are being a fraud. And that could explain why some women keep attracting the wrong type of men.
Looking beautiful means packaging yourself in a manner that enhances your assets. That, however, does not mean you should be parading yourself half-naked. Rather, enhancing your assets simply means dressing in such away that your assets are defined.
If you are a shapely or a curvaceous woman, for example, then wear clothes that will show your curves without necessarily going tight fit. If your most essential asset is your face, then enhance your facial looks to compliment what nature gave your. If you are endowed with large breasts, dress in a way that will define your bust without, of course, showing too much cleavage. You do not want to be walking around as if you are offering a pair of boobs on tray.
Whatever your assets may be, the rule of thumb is to show just enough – not too much but not too little, either. Men know the difference between a sexy look and a slut look. Dress like a hooker and all you will likely be treated you like one. Dress decently and you will see the same men approaching you with respect or even being scared to approach you because the statement you are giving is that you mean business.
The Thrill is in the Chase
Once the radar is locked onto you, most men will make a move. It is the most difficult part of the game for them – gathering courage to make a move. But once a man has taken the plunge, the game is on.
Pick up lines can be everything from clumsy to outright outrageous. Most men have to rely on memorized lines, which, for the most part, rarely fit the occasion. The point is that a discussion will be initiated and that is what is important. So do not spoil the occasion by making a mockery of his opening game. You can laugh about it later, when you are comfortably dating or married. But for now, give the man a break, will you?
Now, you may have come off as a decent woman, which you are, but that will not stop him from still trying to sneak under your skirt and get away with it. He will be taking cues from your responses and, depending on what he hears, it will not be long before he figures out what type of woman you are. If you are friendly but firm he will know you are not a one-night-stand girl and he will adjust, accordingly.
Apart from sex (especially first time sex with a woman), there is nothing that thrills a man more than chasing and conquering a woman. Men have been known to scream on roof tops, leap into the air or dance in public upon hearing a woman tell them ‘I love you, too’, for the first time. It is a wow moment for men.
So try as much as possible to let him chase you. Men will do anything to chase after a woman who seems difficult to convince but yet shows signs that she may give in at some point. In other words, you need not be easy. But do not be impossible, either. Drop him some small crumbs, some hints to show him that, although you have not said yes, you like him, that you may consider dating him, some day. Whatever you do, make sure it is not a long-drawn-out chase. A week or two of chase time is fine. Otherwise, men easily lose interest.
Commitment, Commitment, Commitment
Men are not scared of relationships. For most men, a relationship is just one way of getting a woman into bed. It does not matter whether you believe in no sex before marriage, a man will still try to sleep with you while dating. Some may even break off the relationship just because they cannot get any. Others will stay just because they are hoping to get lucky somewhere down the road. As a woman, though, the relationship provides you with a chance to work on your man and close the deal for a long-term relationship. But as many women have come to find out, this is easier said than done.
Committing to a relationship is one of the scariest things every man has to confront at some point in his life. It takes a man who is madly in love to commit to a relationship without feeling scared and when he finally commits, it is always because he sees more benefits in the relationship beyond sex. He wants sex but a man’s fear of commitment is so great that sex on its own is not enough to make him take that step. Sex alone or the hope for sex, for that matter, does not make a man to commit to a long-term relationship.
But love does. A relationship may not start with love. But if you were no fraud and the man you attracted was wired to respond to your type of beauty, chances are that he will fall in love with you and you with him. The chemistry that causes love is still a mystery to man but it is a proven fact that most men only fall in love with women of a certain appearance and a certain temperament or character. So, once again, do not be a fraud.
And once you fall in love with each other, then the job is as good as done. The challenge will be to sell him the idea of commitment. As mentioned earlier it is the scariest thing for men to do but a man in love can easily be charmed into committing, if you do things right.
You should also take it upon yourself to find out his plans for his life. Without necessarily tying the issue to your relationship, find out from your man what his dreams were growing up, what plans he has for his life, what he aspires for. That way, you will get a pretty good idea of where he is in life and whether he shares you aspirations and dreams for a relationship.
It is said that men, especially younger ones, shun commitment because it robs them of opportunities to explore sex with different partners. Committing to a relationship boxes them in and that idea can be scary to a man. It is even suggested that the reason men are scared of commitment is because they want to protect themselves from disappointment, they want to be sure it will last. They may stray and cheat, later, but leaving a committed relationship is not something that men take lightly.
Keep Him Interested
If he commits, then the responsibility to make him stay committed rests on your shoulders. It was stated earlier that sex is what men want, first and foremost. But once a man is in a committed relationship he wants more than just sex.
Respect is probably the most important thing that men desire in a relationship. No man likes to be belittled, directly or otherwise. So show him respect and he will have one less reason to leave. Men also like a woman who can make and take care of a home. They love coming home to a place that is, actually, homely and welcoming.
Men also like a woman who will cook – consistently. Unless your cooking is, exceptionally, bad, you really do not need to take cooking lessons or spend time preparing hotel-type dinners, for that matter. Men just want good food and, you will be glad to know, that they are not very picky. If anything, cook more of what he already likes, the way he likes it.
Give him as much sex as he wants. Initiate sex from time to time. But also understand that there will be times when he will not feel like having sex. It has nothing to do with you. Men lose their libido whenever they are stressed out or are suffering from fatigue. Try not to push, as too much pressure will just make it worse.
And do not nag. Some women think nagging helps them get their way with their men. While that may be true, the only reason men respond to nagging is because it hurts so bad. Nagging creates a painful emotion in men; more like the pain one feels when their feelings have been hurt. For men, nagging is like a bit in a horse’s mouse. It hurts.
Otherwise, whatever you do, remember how hard you worked to get your man. If you can get him, you can keep him. Just be what he wants you to be: a woman, a lady and a partner who will respect and love him.