The thing I dread the most is pretending that you would not and could not do it ever but you know the second you are saying it that you are saying an utter lie.
And They Lived Happily Ever… Until
In a couple of weeks my friend is getting married. His wife-to-be says she would leave him the second he would kiss another girl. I happened to know that he more than kissed another girl. Not on one occasion. Pretty much every time she is away, he knows who to call. Even when his girl is around he could take some time off from work and stop by at another girl’s place.
At one point I put on my FB wall – if you knew where your husband-to-be is working after-hours, would you still marry him? Then I mark the post as visible only to me.
I knew that it would take a second to prevent the marriage from happening. But I didn’t want to play god. It’s not me to decide on their destiny.
My Way is the Right Way
Another girl is living with a guy for 4 years. He’s too good, she says. But too good is not enough for her. She needs more. Obviously, she needs some not too good ones. She needs some other ones she can be bad with.
She’s sure her guy would never cheat on her. Actually she believes that all man would cheat, just not her Leo.
But her Leo also thinks that she wouldn’t cheat on him. And she does. She does it frequently. She just makes sure he doesn’t find out.
The other day she tells me about some guy: he’s not a good person. He’s cheating on his girl.
I don’t believe that she is the one to say that. But then she explains that she is doing it in a smart way. She is doing it behind his back. The other guy is doing it in front of his girl.
That’s where her and mine idea of fair differ.
If you are open about your whereabouts you are not a cheater. Cheating means doing opposite of what you are expected to do. But not only expected, opposite of what you said you’d do.
My Reason is the Valid Reason
The other guy has his girl pregnant and he’s traveling to visit family and along the way to have an affair. And the reason is? When I met them, I thought they were the cutest couple. But the couple have met in the elementary school and figured they lacked something. Now, he decided to make it up for the lost time.
Another friend of mine considers herself fully faithful but she had 3 years long affair. She says she did it just because her husband hardly ever wanted sex with her. She is still sure that he would never cheat on her. She is also sure that he would never check up on her phone but she never ever left any message on it.
She hasn’t even confessed to her best friend. She didn’t want anyone to give her husband a weird look. I happened to know because I have no connections to her husband. And I keep secrets. I never tell stories using real names. I just use them as an example when I write my stories and hope they will become bestsellers.
Another girl is in a very loving relationship but sex is not going well. He doesn’t have a strong sexual drive. Since she is more than a decade with the guy, I say that she is not so sexual type either. Still, at times she thinks that having good sex would not be a bad idea. When idea was about to be realized she figured quickly that she’s not really a cheating type. She is also not up for leaving what she already has for better sex.
Shall I mention that she’s 100% sure that her guy would never cheat? And he also believes that she could not do it. Yes, it’s true that she could not do it often. She doesn’t like to do it. And still it has happened. And it has happened more than once.
Have Your Cake and Eat It too
I’m sexually explicit girl. I have some colorful history. I meet almost virgin guy who tells me he would never ever cheat.
At the end, he tells me you know it did happen once. Then I get to think… funny how the only one supposedly good guy I’ve ever dated tells me something like that. Can it be that my bad guys were better or they were just better at keeping their mouth shut?
After all asking questions like would you cheat, do you lie and such are totally pointless. Liar won’t tell you I’m lying. Players may joke and say maybe I do. And still you won’t know if it’s a joke or reality.
There are million reasons why people cheat. There are too many people cheating that I think that the whole idea of the terrible betrayal should be reconsidered. There’s obviously something that comes naturally to (some) people that society wants them to hide. It’s the same as having a smile in the public that means not that you are happy. It’s the same as being kind although you might not care about someone. It’s the same as asking how are you when you don’t really want to know.
To state it clear I’m 100% against cheating. If you can’t follow up monogamy, I suggest not committing to it. You can choose one of the many varieties of polyamory. LINK TO ARTICLE ON POLYAMORY